The father gave his only son, the way, the truth, the life had come.

Hey there random strangers, and friends. 

I am going to jump the gun here a little bit and say Merry Christmas a few days early, because I don't know how much time I am going to get over the next week to do so. 

Christmas for me when I was little was always skewed. I never understood entirely what the meaning of it was. I didn't really know why we celebrated it. It always seemed pretty hollow to me. I mean sure, it was fun - we got off of school, we got lots of presents and there were pretty lights everywhere. That part was great. But why did we do all of it? I never understood this growing up. 

Last Christmas was my first as a Christian. My first understand the reason that we celebrated Christmas was the celebrate the birth of Christ. I understood this to an extent, but as a very young, very uneducated Christian, I still didn't REALLY understand it. 

This Christmas I understand more, but I still don't think I get it, and I don't know if I ever will. I mean, how can I get it? First, I didn't exist in that day, and if I had, which group would I have fallen into? The ones who dropped everything and followed him? Or the ones that clamoured for his crucifixion. It is with complete shame and humility that I recognize I would have probably been in the latter group. Second, while I gain mightily by Jesus' birth and eventual death, I don't understand. I don't understand what he went through. I don't understand the price he paid to come down to earth and take on the likeness of a man. I don't understand the price he paid to walk this earth for 33 years and exist in the complete brokenness of us. I don't understand the price he paid on the cross. And even in my complete misunderstanding of that, it is the single most powerful, the pivotal point of my life. 

So, this holiday. It is about Jesus, right? Most 'cookie cutter christians' would agree. It is a day to celebrate Jesus and his radical ministry on earth. So how do we do that? We spend time with family. We spend ridiculous amounts of money on presents and food. We eat chocolate. We have advent calendars. We decorate a tree and put a star on top. Maybe an angel. We say grace and give thanks to Jesus. We sing carols. 

I think this is almost as hollow to me as the Christmas' I spent my entire life. We are using this holiday to celebrate our gracious saviour. So why are we doing it in ways that bring glory only to us? Get the right present, spend the most money, make the best desert, have the best ugly christmas sweater. I am guilty of all of these just as much, if not more than my human counterparts. 

But when I take all of this and compare it to Jesus' ministry, I have to admit to myself that this is not how Jesus would celebrate Christmas in my opinion. Instead of going to his favourite peoples house (or not, depending on your in-laws), and giving presents, and eating way too much, and singing, he would instead be out healing the sick, and loving the marginalized. He would be out braving the weather, and travels to extend the power of his love and grace to those that feel that they don't deserve it. In a modern context, Jesus would not be in his families warm, happy home. He would be in down-town Detroit walking amongst the prostitutes, drug addicts, homeless and marginalized of our time. In other words, the lame and leper of modern times. Not only would he be there, but he would be loving them in all of their brokenness. Not the kind of love where we give food and warm clothes out of obligation, but instead the kind of love where He gives the very clothes off of his back and acts and feels as though he was the one given the gift and joy. 

So what is Christmas spirit, friends? How do we celebrate the birth of our saviour? How do we go about glorifying God, and not just our own desires? and the most terrifying thing of all: What would Jesus say or do to us today if he saw the way he celebrated him? Would be tell us that we are doing a good job, or would he call out all the selfish, stubborn pride and sin in us? 

United States of America
Looks like another silent night
As we're sung to sleep by philosophies
That save the trees and kill the children
And while we're lying in the dark
There's a shout heard 'cross the eastern sky
For the Bridegroom has returned
And has carried His bride away in the night

America, what will we miss while we are sleeping
Will Jesus come again
And leave us slumbering where we lay
America, will we go down in history
As a nation with no room for its King
Will we be sleeping
Will we be sleeping

United States of America
Looks like another silent night

December 14th, 2012. Will this be the day that you see and become change?

Hey wonderful internet world. 

I am not going to lie to you, todays blog post is going to be very Christ centred and very well might make you angry if you don't share my views. I will also say that even if you don't share my faith, I would highly recommend that you read it anyways, and leave me a comment with your own thoughts. 

Today. December 14th 2012. Today, everything changed in many lives. Everything. Today hearts broke, and families were ripped apart. Children were killed. Innocent blood was brutally shed. Today was a day that breaks my heart. Today is a day that God is grieving for the state of humanity. 

After waking up and hearing the news today, I updated my status on facebook. This is what I said: 

The question is not 'where is God in this?', The question we should be asking ourselves is 'why are we not following God?' He has already come, he has already won. That is what we are currently celebrating. Jesus' birth, because his birth eventually lead him to the cross. for us. for me. for you. The real question is why are we choosing to follow senseless destruction instead of Jesus, the one who

 conquered evil over 2000 years ago. We need to stand up, and stop giving into the sin and brokenness around us and realise that Jesus is the answer. So I call you to really think about what you are celebrating this christmas. I call you to sit down and read a bible and actually take a minute to think about the implications. I challenge you to be the person that God created you to be.

This status update got some flack from a friend of mine from highschool. She doesn't believe in God, and she got highly offended in the way that it was phrased. Her response to me was this:

So all those children died today because there just wasn't enough Jesus in their hearts? Or maybe it was their parents who didn't have enough faith. Oh well, they best not give into despair from the loss of their babies because that's a sin. Wouldn't want to push God any further away than he already is!

Everyone has a right to their own personal beliefs, but when people shove them in the faces of others and attempt to justify what is sick and twisted in this world by blaming innocent people who simply haven't subscribed to YOUR belief, well that's just lazy. The problems of humanity are that of humanity alone and personal belief should be just that, personal.

Today's blog post is going to respond to what was said in this comment. I think that the way that my friend reacted is a very standard reaction of someone who does not know the gospel and the message that Jesus came to give. I think that societies standard reaction to anything we don't agree with is selifishness and narcissism.  To be fair, I don't think that the person who wrote it is a bad person, on the contrary, I believe her to be a very nice, well educated, polite person. In fact, upon reading her response I got angry and immediately wanted to defend myself and my status. In short, my immediate reaction was to be selfish and narcissistic. 

That, is part of the problem that I outlined in my original status. The status I posted was NOT saying that the children that died or were injured in todays tragedies deserved to die, or deserved to be punished. I said that the sin and brokenness in this world created this problem. The shooter in the states and the man with the knife in China are byproduct of a society were narcissism rules our daily lives. Sin rules us more effectively than anything else. 

The perpetrators of todays crimes were groomed and made to be the way they are today by society. By sin. By brokenness. Because what happened in those schools today was certainly NOT of God's doing. Jesus was born, raised, and then carried the cross to the place where he finally died for our sins. For the sins of you, me, the men in todays crimes, the victims in todays crimes, and for every single other human being who takes a breath on this earth. He gave us a way to turn away from this crap. This senseless violence. He took all of that upon himself so that we could know what love, grace, mercy, peace, happiness, comfort and redemption is. None of those things were shown today. None of those things are shown in my life, in yours, or in anyone elses life on a daily basis. 

So in that status, and right this moment I challenge you to pick up your cross and join me. I challenge you to learn who and what God is and not to let the warped views of society tell you who God is. I challenge you to show grace instead of vengeance today, tomorrow and the next day. I challenge you to join me in the revolution that Christ calls us to. I challenge you to be the body of Christ. To stop this ridiculous violence and instead turn to one another in love.  I challenge you to take what happened to those children today and see that that is NOT what God had for them, for me, or for you. I challenge you. YOU. So what will you do?

I am forgiven, because He was forsaken.

Good Morning internet world, 

Its been a few days since I last updated. Mostly because every time I sat down to do it, I just had no idea what to say. 

What do you say after a close friend has suddenly passed away and it has shattered your heart into a million pieces? How do you explain that every time you get into a car, you breakdown? How do you explain that in the last week, you have become as temperamental as a angry blast ended skrewt. I had no words, no wisdom, not a thing to share with you. 

So today, I sit down writing in orange, in memory of the best person I knew. In memory of a man that was taken long before he should have been. In memory of T-mo. 

Regardless, today I am going to talk about fear, vulnerability and weakness. I used to think that all three were the same thing, and all three should be carefully hidden away so that no one saw your weak spots. Over the last 7 months, and especially over the last week, I have learned that I was completely wrong. In the last week, I think I have cried more than ever before, and I cried EVERYWHERE. I mean, I cried in my room, in the dining hall, in cars, in my office, while I was walking places, in group settings, in the lounge that everyone hangs out in. I couldn't help it. I thought I was losing it. But in light of all of that, I realized that the people around me didn't look at me with disgust when they saw me crying, they didn't take advantage of my pain. Instead they came along side me and helped in whatever way they could. 

This was completely new to me. and completely unexpected. 

This last week has literally been the hardest week I have ever experienced. Three really big, really stressful things have happened and come to a head in that time span. I have learned so much about my limits of pain, sorrow and sadness. I have cycled through a few stages of the cycle of grief, and I know that I am nowhere near done working my way through them all. T-mo's memorial is tonight and his service is tomorrow and I am 4500km away, that is definitely hard, but I am going to do something here, because I know I need it for me. He is probably watching me from somewhere, freed from pain, and laughing at me for doing this, because I know he certainly wouldnt want any big deal made out of him, or his death. 

The biggest thing that I have come to terms with is that God loves me through all of this. I knew that before, but I didn't understand it. It took me going into the depths of sorrow for me to understand that the greatest reason to keep fighting, to keep working through all of this, is because his love sustains me. It has been incredible to be in my weakest moments and realize that he is just standing there waiting for me to look up and take his hand so that he can lead me out of it. 

I'm trying, and I know that I will continue to try for the next long while, but I am certainly not going to quit. 

Stay safe friends, wear your seatbelts and drive safe. I love you all.

- A




(points to those that get the Harry Potter reference)

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death

.. I will fear no evil.

Today is both a really great day, and a really sad day. Today I reconciled with a friend of mine that I have already told you about. The one from the summer. We sat down last night and we apologized, and forgave each other and we decided to move on from all of what happened. Not forget it. But let go of the negative. 

That is amazing. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. I feel like I got one of my close friends back. So, that is a good thing. 

Today I also found out that a friend of mine from college passed away in a car accident this morning. That is heartbreaking. This is a guy that had a smile for everyone, a high-five for anyone willing and a hug ready every time he saw me. He was a guy that wore a bright orange coat all winter, rode around on a long board, and loved his girlfriend more than anything. 

This is also a guy that told me once that he believed, but that he wasn't ready to make a commitment to Jesus. He said he just wasn't there. 

These things make this whole situation good and bad. He believed, but I don't know to what extent. My prayers are that he is currently up in heaven high fiving every person that he comes across and making a difference up there like he did in my life. But in a place that is free of sin, guilt, shame, insecurity and brokenness. That is what this phenomenal man should be doing. 

My prayers are also going out to his family and loved ones, they are most certainly hurting right now. So if you would be so kind as to join me in prayer for them, that would be amazing. 

I will leave this post nice and short, because right now, I have nothing left to say. Rest in peace my good friend, rest in peace. 

When the perishable puts on the imprerishable and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall comes to pass the saying that is written: "Death is swallowed up in victory." "O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Jesus can you hear me?...

...come and heal my brokenness - put the pieces back together and be a father to the fatherless

Sixteen finds me blowing out candles and making wishes and all around me is everyone but the one I'm wishing for. and he didn't even send me flowers and gift wrapped excuses from a daddy whose daughter wants to see him again. and I know it's just another birthday but I guess I thought that this would be the one when he would call me, see me, hold me and free me. But it's just another birthday and I'll be fine. 

About five years ago, my life found me living in a small town, dating a highschool football player, surrounded by people who I called best friends but didn't know anything about me. The biggest thing I wanted to do was go to a highschool party and get drunk and party and be able to be involved in all the funny stories that my classmates told. I wanted an escape from the world I found myself in. The one where my father killed himself when I was 8. The one where I was almost the sole caregiver for my brother and sister at home, even though there were two capable adults living there. The world where I wanted nothing to do with my family and just wanted an escape. My birthday, I went bowling, I was surrounded by people, and I felt entirely alone. I was old enough finally to understand what my dad did, and I entirely blamed myself. What had I done wrong? Why wasn't I good enough? This was my birthday at 16. 

Nineteen finds me, and I'm wide eyed and wide open. I gave myself away to love but backseat promises fade like a mist. I'm screaming at the midnight air - everyone hears me but I don't care. My heart's clenched just like a fist 'cause, people, I didn't ask for any of this and I'm not fine.

At 19, things were very very different. I was in college. I was a typical college student for the most part. I partied, I drank way too much, I flirted, I dated, I went too far too fast. I was going full speed down a road that I didn't know, that I didn't know how to stop on. Everything was too fast, too colourful, too loud, too uncontrollable, and I was high on it. I had left friends in the dust with no backwards glances, I had left my strong morals from highschool in my closet at home when I moved out. I was free (or so I thought) for the first time. But I quickly learned that freedom comes at a price. A heavy price. I was no longer stuck in the world from my early teen years. Instead I was stuck in a place where every night I had to drink more, go further and up the ante to continue to get the same high on life. I was in a horrendous relationship. I thought that this is what life called love. The word 'marriage' was thrown around. It terrified me, but I had to keep upping the ante, right? I quickly realized that this was no more freedom than before. In fact I was stuck in my own head and my own world, even more unable to escape than before. 

Twenty-one finds me blowing out candles and making wishes and all around me a barefoot princess twirls and sings. It's so amazing looking back at all God's brought me through. You are my happy birthday and I was born to break the chains. Now I know, it's not just another birthday, cause I'm here, You're here and look how far we've come since You called me, saw me, held me and freed me. Thank you Lord, for another birthday and I'm more than fine. 

In exactly 3 hours and 30 minutes I will turn 21. 

For the FIRST time in my life, I don't feel trapped. I feel content in where I am, where I am going, what I am working for. I work in a place that I feel needed, wanted and appreciated. I have reconciled with the friends that I screwed over in the last few years, and have an AMAZING group of friends. 

That is not to say that life is perfect. That isn't to say there aren't still some pretty significant struggles. That isn't to say that there isn't still pain that cuts deep. 

Because to let you in on a little secret, being a christian is still just as painful, and has just as many struggles as being athiest. If not more. But there is a pretty stellar reason to keep going and keep pushing and keep trying in my life now. And no, contrary to popular belief, that is not the promise of heaven. It is knowing that we have someone on our side who has felt all the pain and struggle that we feel. Jesus is a pretty awesome person to have in your corner. 

This is just a lighthearted(ish) blog post for all of you out there following my muddled up thoughts to celebrate my birthday. 

In case you were wondering, the song is called Just Another Birthday by Casting Crowns and the lyrics have been mildly altered to fit my life. 

In Christ Alone, my friends
- A

therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come! The old has gone, the new is here!

What a crazy week. What a crazy life. This week is pretty huge in my life. This week has been really hard emotionally. There have been a lot of decisions that I have had to make in the last week and I am just barely hitting the consequences of those decisions now. The metaphor I would chose to use about all this is that I'm currently in the state where the Titanic is aware that it is going to hit an iceberg and there is absolutely nothing it can do to change it. 

I know things are about to blow up in someway, I just don't know how it will end, and I can't stop it, even if I tried. And also, like the titanic, I will be the captain that goes down with the ship if it were to sink. 

It's a weird place to be in mentally. It has showed me a lot about humility, and how sometimes I have absolutely none of that. Sometimes I am extremely prideful, and the last week has shown me that pride gets me nowhere. 

Another thing I am really coming to terms with recently is the difference between weakness and vulnerability. These two things do not go hand in hand. Not at all. And this is something I have struggled with my entire life. Showing someone that I trust that I am vulnerable in situations is sometimes a good thing, and shows strength, not weakness. It is real. I was always taught to think that anything less than perfection and total control and strength was sub-par. That it would only turn people away from me and make them see me in a negative light. This has been something that God and my loved ones have really challenged in the last six months. 

And now to the good news, the good stuff. Tomorrow will be exactly a year to the day that I gave my life to Jesus. It has been a year. I can't believe that. In the last year I have seen more change in me, in my heart, in my character than I can even begin to process. A year and a few weeks ago, I was really close to getting into a relationship that would have turned out disastrous for my emotions and well being. I was dealing with a lot of suicide within my work (paramedicine) and in my personal life - friends were struggling, and I had very little to turn to, to get me through the days. I also was really struggling with the pain from my past, and the pain from the stuff going on within my family. In the moment, I thought I was doing fine. but looking back, I was going down the wrong road, at breakneck speeds and was going to crash and crash hard if I didn't get my act together. God stepped in, and I collided. In the aftermath, I found a hope, a strength and a peace that I didn't know existed.

I found grace. Wow. Grace. What an extraordinary concept. Grace. Just the word feels good. Even without knowing the biblical definition of it, its a word that brings about good feelings in your heart and soul. I have heard it said that grace is the last good word. I would agree with this entirely.  Grace. What would a person feel if suddenly their greatest debt, their greatest trespass in this world was lifted? They would be ecstatic. Now what if that forgiven debt was paid in full by the person that it was owed to? Not only did that person lose the money that you owe them, they also lose the money to pay it back. Its a two-fold loss for them. And that is what grace is. It cost the recipient nothing, and costs the giver everything. Wow. That is Jesus. That is what saved me from the road that I was on. Grace. 

What a crazy world. What a crazy life. In the moments recently where I feel totally broken by the world around me, one thought of the grace and love I have found brings me up out of that dark and broken place, into the place where I can handle anything thrown at me. Because I am not alone. And this I know with my entire heart. 

Above all the grace and the gifts that Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self -Francis of Assisi

The best proof of love is trust. - Joyce Brothers

Hey There, 

Its been a few days since I last updated and today (and the last few days) I have been stuck in an endless thought loop about trust. Trust. Its a simple word. Five letters, four consonants, 1 vowel. You can have a million different types of trust. Trust in your paper being delivered every day. Trust in your car to not break down, trust in your mechanic to fix it when it does. Trust in your friends, trust in your spouse, trust in your family. Trust in your Savior.

Trust is an undeniably huge part of life. Sometimes we have trust for something and don't realize how much we trust that thing until it is broken. Thats the toxic thing about trust. We don't really notice it until it is gone. And then we are generally hurt beyond words. So where is a happy medium? 

This summer I struggled with the idea of trust. Trusting someone particularly. Not any particular person, but just the idea of trusting a virtual stranger with the most broken parts of me and my past. How do you go about doing that after years of never opening up? I struggled. I wrestled. I failed sometimes, but in the end, there were a couple people I opened up to. One was a great friend that I made early in the summer. I considered this person one of my best friends, and after slowly opening up to him, I felt like I could trust him with practically anything. This was one massive mistake on my part. Not trusting him, that wasnt the mistake. Putting the weight of MY world on HIS shoulders. I screwed up. I trusted too much and put too much pressure there. Now, I can't even call that person a friend anymore, and that breaks my heart everytime I think about it, every time I talk about it, and every time I see him. I trusted too much, and I got hurt. 

I don't trust enough and I get hurt. So where is the happy medium I ask? 

This summer also opened me up to a different kind of trust. People trusted ME. Not because of anything besides my position at camp. Parents trusted me with their children, children trusted me with their pain, co-workers trusted me with their secrets, with their not so nice side. I had more trust in me, in my abilities, in my leadership this summer than I have ever had in my life. And I always used to think that when I finally got to that place I would feel like I had everything together. Instead I was terrified. I cannot even begin to describe how much is scared me to lead a team of professionals. To have sole responsibility of the safety of 600 people on me and my team. To know that when something went really, really wrong it came down to me and my skills to minimize the damage and make them feel better. That terrified me. 

And now, at this moment, there is so much that is hinging on trust. I have my friends and family trusting that I will make the right decision no matter how much it costs me and the people involved. I have to trust God to get me through the next few months which will be the hardest of my life. I have the option to start to open up to someone and trust them to not turn around and walk away. So what do I do. because it could fail either way. 

and that, my dear friends, is a moment of insight into my sometimes meddled up mind. 

Any advice you could offer, would be wonderfully appreciated.

Taking a Look Back

Today, I am sitting at my desk surrounded by cards and pictures and notes I received throughout the summer. Some are about my baptism, some are encouraging me, some are handmade. Regardless of what they are or who they are from, they all instill a sense of melancholy in me. This summer was outstanding in ways that I am still learning and realizing. 

So today I decided to take a little trip into the past. 

Way back to advance crew (which was from May 1 - June 21st). Advance Crew is basically the people who will be serving on summer staff that want to come early and help prepare camp for the summer. It is a great time that allows people to really connect together and get to know one another. It was also, for me, a huge time in the growth in God and my relationship. 

On June 6th there was a camp open house. basically during this time we opened the doors to camp to 1500 people. From babies, to moms and dads to grandparents everyone was invited to come and enjoy our beach, our challenge course, and our food. It was a crazy day. It was also the day that I called the first ambulance of the season. There was an older lady that came and had diabetes that didnt take her insulin that day. In other words, her blood sugar was through the roof. I remember while I was waiting for the ambulance wondering how in the world this would allow us at camp to better minister to people. I didnt understand how God could be present through the stuff like this. 

At the same time, my best friend had just gotten to camp a week earlier. Let me start by telling you that I love this girl so much, through everything. But she also suffers from moderate to severe anxiety and depression. Moving to camp was a big deal for her and I was super proud of her, but when she got out here, she basically flatlined. She refused to get out of bed, she wouldnt eat. I poured a ton of energy into praying with and for her and trying to motivate her. After a week of that, I was really downtrodden. I didnt understand what God was doing. Why he called her out here, just to see her go through this. Why he kept telling me to put effort into it, when she wasnt responding to anything I did. I just didnt understand how God could be present through the stuff like this. 

Both of those things were made very clear to me that day. It was almost like God was waiting to show me how great he was. The lady that had to go to the hospital lived on the mainland, but since she had to stay at the hospital she wasnt able to go home that night so her family ended up staying at the Guest House (which is a house owned by the camp used for situations just as this). The next morning was sunday so we all went to church and surprise, the lady that went to the hospital and her family were at my church. I was pleasantly surprised, and even more so after they came up and personally thanked me as well as the pastor from their church back home. They were awesome and then said that they were planning on financing a couple children from their church to come to camp this summer. It made me realize that God uses everything for the good of the people that he loves. 

That was also about the time that my best friend finally started to engage in camp and start to open up. This taught me a HUGE lesson that I used many times throughout the summer. Not everything is about me. In fact, very little is about me. My best friends suffering wasnt in any way there to teach me anything besides to love unconditionally. This struggle was her fight and fight she did. She ended up staying the whole summer and touching so many lives here and in the beginning all God was asking me to do was to love her, and love her unconditionally. How many lives did my love affect through her? I may never know the answer to that question, but I do know now that the love I found and gave this summer was not started in my heart, instead it was started by God loving me first. 

What has your love done?

This is my wonderful, crazy life.

So here we are. Here I am. I have been living on Vancouver Island for a little over six months now, and it blows me away how much I have grown and changed in that time, so I have decided to start blogging so that I have a real time account of what my life is like and how things are going. 

First, I will introduce myself. My name is Ashley, I am a 20 year old who was raised for most of my life in Southern Ontario. A little over a year ago, I met Jesus Christ for the first time and that radically changed my life. I went from being a lost teenager without anything to keep me going through the day besides popularity and parties to someone who had an unshakable hope in the life that surrounded me and the people that were introduced to me. 

That is not to say that I didnt struggle, or wander away from this new life I found. There was a time where I was so mad at God for the past that I lived that I went nearly a month where I did everything in my power to punish him - from moving away from his love, to telling him that I didnt believe in him and never would. But at the end of the day, I definitely knew in my heart that God was there and that God loved me regardless of my actions or failings. 

So that brought me to early april. I applied to a christian camp on the west coast of canada as the First Aid Attendant/Health Care Team Leader. It was a big job, but after over a month of wrestling with God over it, I finally applied and had been hired. The next month was a flurry of activity trying to get everything ready and set up to move out here. 

On May 1st, it finally happened. I boarded a plane at Pearson International Airport and flew to Victoria BC. I moved into my new home that day and went to be wondering what in the world I got myself into. 

The next four months threw me into possibly the most difficult summer of my life. In 10 weeks, my team and I were responsible for over 5000 campers and staff. There were many really close calls, and a few potentially terrible accidents that were narrowly avoided (all things you would expect when there are 600 children and young adults running around a high adventure camp). But it was also the most rewarding experience of my life. I got to see children come into camp feeling lost, unloved, and just plain rejected and then I got to see God use the staff and campers here to show that child just how loved and cherished they are. It was amazing and it constantly blew my mind. 

I also met some of the best people in the world (in my opinion). I began some amazing friendships with people that surrounded me, some of them are some of the strongest I now have, and some of them have fallen apart - but regardless, they have shaped me and helped me grow in ways that I think I dont even realize yet. 

One of my two best friends were also out here this summer, and seeing how God stretched her and used her were incredible for me to see. My other best friend wants to come out here next summer, and I cannot wait to see the growth in him. 

That brings me to the fall. About half way through the summer, I made a final decision on something I had been weighing since I got here. and that was to stay on at the camp as an intern. It is a year long commitment, and I am currently a few months into it. I thought that the year round part of camp would be easier than the summer. I was wrong. The year round has really pushed me to get to know God in his true self, not the God that I think he is. It has pushed me to learn how to actually love people, sometimes from a great distance. It has pushed me to learn how to be loved, how to connect with the tightknit community I find myself in. It has pushed me to be accountable to those around me, even when I don't want to be. It has taught me to look at myself through humble lenses and start to change the parts of me that I wouldnt like in other people. 

All in all, it has been a crazy six months, and I have another ten to go before this contract is up (and then who knows where I will go or what I will do) and I would love to take you along for the ride. 

- Ashley