It has been much, much too long, and I have been slacking off way too much in writing this blog post.
In all honesty, I just have not had much to say; and those things that I did have to say, I didn't know how to put into words. So now here I sit, staring out at the dark ocean and the lights from the island across the straight and I am pondering how to put into words what my life has been like for the last month. I suppose I will start from the beginning and work my way through everything.
Christmas. I looked forward to Christmas this year with dread. It was shaping up to be the first christmas that I spent completely alone. Not that christmas has ever been anything wonderful in my life... but still. Alone. I felt like spending the entire thing by myself would be both incredibly lonely but also something quite good for me.
About a week before the break was set to start, my older sister decided to fly into BC for it. So I spent Christmas at a by-choice-family members house. This woman is incredible. She has stepped in as the rolemodel that I never had. She has an amazing heart, and an incredible spirit. She took my sister and I in for christmas like we were children that were borne to her and raised in her family for her entire life. So after spending christmas day with her and her family, my sister and I went out exploring. It was a beautiful day and the sun even showed up for awhile (shocker, I know)
After that followed an amazing few days exploring and then back to work. This time with my sister in tow. It was an incredible blessing to be able to show her what we did in camp ministry. There were definite ups and downs. Fights of the variety that only siblings have. Misunderstandings. Hurt feelings. Apologies. Smiles. Laughs. Frustrations. Tears. Memories. But all in all, it was incredible to ring in the new year, taking communion, with my sister. I sat and thought about this afterwards. I started my year by celebrating the practice of remembering the sacrifice that Jesus made for me on the cross. It puts my year into an interesting perspective.
Since then, work has started again. Back into the swing of things for a couple weeks until this past weekend when the year round staff went on a retreat of our own. It was interesting to be the guests for once. It was odd and sometimes I just wanted to jump in and try to help the people who hosted us. But all in all, it was one of the best weekends I have ever experienced. I learned A LOT. about me, about my coworkers, about my qwanoes family, about my strengths and weaknesses. About God. I have no other words to describe that weekend at this point. It was incredible.
I don't know what else to say here. I have learned so much about myself and God over the last month, but I don't know how to articulate that into words. I have become quite close to a few people that I didn't expect to get close to. I have come to terms, and come to peace with things that were bothering me a lot before the new year. I have closed some feelings and opened others about people that I wouldn't have thought could happen. I have changed. I have grown. I have learned. I have messed up. I have failed.
But always, always I have and will get up and fight again. I will pick up my cross and I will follow Jesus no matter how hard, how painful or how difficult. That is the call on my life and that is what has been shown clearer to me this last month than anything else.
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